sysysysy

Damn this seriously. It feels like shit when you are broke. It feels like shit when your mum starts to rant when you asked to buy lunch. It feels like shit when you hear your dad is not earning. It feels like shit when you are fucking hungry and you still have to listen. It feels like shit to be stuck at home trying to figure out what ought to be done before you get your ass smack damn hard when christmas ends. It feels worse when your mum says stop going out when you're typing this.
How fuck up is this. How fuck up is this when people live differently.
How fuck up is it when you have still no interest, no passion, no dreams at the age of 18 when you began to feel you can make decisions yourself just at the tip of your fingers.
Morale low, esteem low.
I wish I was a better man and if only I could stop ranting and do something to save myself from this pathetic state. I need to open myself to new things, I'm too afraid of anything, everything. Oh yeah, things are not as bad as how I put it but yes, it's this bad to me. I've been stuck in this ever since we fucking learn to make decisions. I need a shoulder.

Fuck it. back to work.
The school should be burnt down.
Christmas trees and decor should be burnt down.
If whatever I say ever happens, i'll be a happy girl.

And to be frank, I'm not excited about any x'mas party this season. No drinking sessions, no clubs. I want to do nothing related at all. now you know how boring I can get. Ah yes.